I once read a book where someone said, “the enemy’s greatest goal is to stop you from realizing who you actually are.” I’m realizing now that it is my responsibility to believe in who God says that I am, and to know that what He says is the truth.
When moments end in life, transitions happen, and reflection begins, there is a time in space where it is necessary to contemplate and think on aspects of one’s own life. It’s important to ascertain how certain events, specific pains, and purposeful grace all culminate into your present reality.
This happened to me about six months ago when I transitioned from my internship back home to a place I’d only visited on and off for the last five years. To say the least, it was a learning experience for me. In a lot of ways I did not feel like myself and even in all of it, what I did not understand became a great place of healing for me.
God began to show me parts of myself I hadn’t conversed with or thought about in years and it was painful, beautiful, and a little scary. In the midst of growing closer to God, I became fixated on myself. My eyes had drilled holes into sin, into faults, and mistakes more than 10 years old. I felt I was so close to sunlight, yet I was hidden within a room impossible of being filled with light.
During this time, I found a book by Christine Caine called Unashamed. I picked it up in hopes that God would speak to me and hopefully find sweet little nuggets on how to live my life unashamed. From the time I was six and well into early and late teen years I felt an immense sense of guilt and shame almost all the time.
Over the years, it became a load I wasn’t fully sure how to carry and one day, I decided it was a load I didn’t want to carry. Even now, at 23 years old I am learning that I am far removed from shame, far removed from my 6 years-old self, 10-years old self, and so on and so forth.
When I ruminate on that one sentence from the first paragraph, I’m hit with the truth of God’s immeasurable love and grace for me. Many times, grace can be easily thrown around, but yo, the grace of God is sufficient, more than enough, and it abounds with no barriers.
The realization unravels and I see how it is my decision to choose to be who God made me. It is a choice solely my own to make whether or not each day I choose love, joy, and His unrelenting peace which makes a world of difference.
As I become more aware of this, there is a freedom in how I live my life, how I wake up in the morning, how I think about myself, how I speak to myself and to others; there is even freedom in how I create. When I understand that shame is not meant for me and God’s grace covers sin, hurt, and whatever else, I am aware of my ability to grow and to be planted firmly upon Truth.
It hasn’t been an easy task, choosing to focus more on God than myself. I have to remind myself often of my Abba’s love that ebbs and flows into every nook and cranny of my soul. It’s a lovely process, one that brings light and joy with each day that I begin.
Dear reader, I hope and pray that if you’re in a moment of transition, a moment of healing, or discovering more about a gracious God who loves you deeply, that you would be open to it all. Open to healing, and light, and being all the you that you can be.
Remember that any change in you begins with you and your decision to choose a life worth living. So, endeavor to discover who you are today. Embrace the healing, the growing, the simple beauty of it all.
Titus 3: 4-6
4. When the extraordinary compassion of God our Savior and his overpowering love suddenly appeared in person, as the brightness of a dawning day, 5. he came to save us. Not because of any virtuous deed that we have done but only because of his extravagant mercy. 6. He saved us, resurrecting us through the washing of rebirth. We are made completely new by the Holy Spirit, whom he splashed over us richly by Jesus, the Messiah, our Life Giver.7. So as a gift of his love, and since we are faultless—innocent before his face—we can now become heirs of all things, all because of an overflowing hope of eternal life.