Contentment always begins with the present.
Joy, truly the unspeakable kind where one finds that on the inside there is this welling of delight, elation, and sense of rejoicing that can only come from God begins with contentment.
In this present moment I find myself in the midst of this strange and beautiful moment of adulthood. I am on a road of discovering myself beyond what I have the blessing of already knowing and digging even deeper beneath the surface of me. I am consistently striving to be aware of myself and what is roiling and residing in my soul.
I am, in a number of ways reeling from this last year with my internship in Wilmington,Delaware. I am discovering this new person I did not expect to be an outcome of living a year surrounded by new people, attitudes, and personal and spiritual battles. However, before I continue, I’d like to be clear that this is not some dramatic existential crisis, but a much milder and more beautiful look at the existence of my own humanity in relation to God and how he’s fashioned me to be now and in the coming years. (Okay… so, maybe it is a slightly dramatic existential thingy, but I digress.)
Life can be a funny, scary little thing much bigger than I give it credit for. I am astounded by my God and enjoy being reminded that in my life, God can be the source of my contentment and the salve to whatever ails my soul, i.e my mind, will, and emotions.
So, far adulthood has been a journey of picking myself up and dusting off what God had for me in a season and taking hold of what he has for me now. When I say that the last nine months have been something else, it has. Most of the time I spend my days working at a minimum wage job, writing a lot, staring at my computer screen for equal amounts of time, creating positive content on the internets, and drinking bunches of tea out of mason jars and over-sized mugs (I’m trying to eradicate coffee out of my life. I haven’t yet succeeded).
I am learning what it means to run back to God and actually allow him to hold me, heal me, and continue to allow me to wonder at the beauty of all that he is. Life is a gift, and I know that to muse, to create, to love, to be content, and to have joy are just some of the things that come along with the gift.