So Much More Than This

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It’s been a while my dear readers. I’ve missed you all so.

I’ve missed writing the few and far in-between blog posts.

So many things have happened in the last couple of months of my life. I guess what I mean by a couple, is more so like the last three to four months of my life.

As many of you know, I’ve stayed with my internship I began in the summer with UrbanPromise Wilmington. Read about it here I’m Back UP. 1 & Beauty Within the Cracks-UP. 2.

It has been eight long, difficult, and rewarding months. Time has not relented its grip on my asking for it to speed up this internship and I find myself wondering if things would be easier or would have been easier if time moved on an axis of my control and not God’s.

The funny, but not really funny thing is that I realize that all things work together beautifully in God’s perfect timing. I know that his wisdom is infinite, his love forever enduring, and my pain only temporary compared to what God has planned for my life.

In these last months I became extremely impatient with God. My satisfaction in things were placed in people who ultimately failed me, hurt me, and left me to wallow in my own pain. My lingering unrevealed became a place of stagnation for me because I allowed it to become such. Anger and sadness were garments I decided to cloak my frame in and all the while I spent these months working with beautiful and challenging middle-schoolers who truly bless my heart.

Within the smiles and frowns, laughs and teenage angst, I believe God helped me find the beauty in the ugliness I chose to see. My salve was an atmosphere of pre-teens and teens who liked to hit each other with pool noodles for fun and hurl tennis balls in play while circled in a group of five to six students.  When I could not see beyond my own pain and tears, literal and actual tears, God deigned to meet with me in the most unexpected ways.

I do believe much of my pain is contributed to my own choices and actions. I also believe God is gracious and has shown such grace to me in giving me joy in the midst of what many times I cannot describe. My Abba, his son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit have been the strength I need when strength, grace, and love failed to be the things I wanted to give or receive myself.

Despite the unpleasant circumstances, there have been undeniably lovely ones that mark my heart and soul. I realize deep within my being that there is so much more than my present situation. There is so much healing to be gleaned, so much love to be had, and so much art to create and inspire. There is so much of my God and my faith to delve into and I anticipate choosing to see beyond my present into what God has for me.

I pray that in the hard situations that are faced in life, we would all choose to see the so much more in it. Life is frickin’ hard y’all, but God is amazingly faithful and love is worth having and it comes unexpectedly and many times is right in front of us.

Happy 2018 my lovelies!

Grace & Peace

A.

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