The state of my being is lingering in a unidentified mood somewhere between unraveled humility and indignant resilience to have my way when it comes to God and his will for my life.
I am rather disheveled lately in some aspects of my life. Parts of me are in dire search of a holy God I know to be calling out to me. Other parts of me are pouting like a 2 year-old crying in a ball on the floor, blubbering between sobs and cries of telling God how I want my life to be.
Honestly, besides the places parts of my soul linger, post-grad life is strangely beautiful and even challenging. This shaded magnolia has relocated from Mississippi, leaving behind southern livin’ for city livin’. 🙂 Granted I’ve been living in a city the last four years of college, but I digress. This move for me symbolizes so much, so many new things that I’ve yet to encounter. One of the many new things is trusting God, yet again, as I linger in the unrevealed of what feels to me to be every single detail of my life.
Being back at UrbanPromise has been a defining moment in my life since graduating university. Much of what I’ve known about myself is being challenged, tried, and put to the test of what God has taught me and is teaching me still. In the unrevealed I’m learning to trust my God beyond what I see, even to see beyond myself. When I am unable to see the larger picture of what God is doing in my life I tend to look inward in hopes of finding the answer to whatever it is I may be seeking.
It is my presumption to say that in some way or another, we all know how that feels and how it turns out; not good. Looking to myself means me placing myself and my finite knowledge above God’s infinite wisdom. Pride becomes my god and my emotions the idols I worship and set the affections of my heart upon. It is a deadly and unfortunate game, I must admit.
It is obvious that I don’t know everything. I never will and it is something I have to learn to accept. So, in the tiny, unrevealed details I want so desperately to be shown to me, I must learn to place my trust in my Abba God whose love never ends. The one who epitomizes trustworthiness.
“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, :The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him! The Lord is good to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.