More than two weeks have passed since my internship at UrbanPromise ended. I am now on a sort of hiatus still idling somewhere in the unknown. (Into the Unknown post). In my time away from Delaware I have tried with the utmost strength to relax, rest, and seek God in ways that evoke authenticity.
My time has been somewhat productive and outside of the last amazing six weeks of working with teenagers, 20 + interns, and interesting living conditions, I am learning about myself. Learning to be patient, learning to listen, and learning to wait. Self-discovery is an amazing and terrifying thing, and I’ve discovered patience is a lot harder than I thought. Think watching a movie on Netflix and then the incessant buffering starts. Now, think of that feeling magnified by a quality of never-ending buffering that may never stop, therefore the movie you were so excited to watch will never be watched in complete totality. That’s is how I’ve been feeling these days.
I have filled my time with K-Dramas (Korean dramas). K-dramas are a beautiful, time-consuming blessing. Suspicious Partner has got yo girl hooked and I’m loving it.
But, during the times I choose not to watch Ji-Chang Wook, I read. My current read, among the many I have is A.W. Tozer’s The Knowledge of the Holy.
There is one passage in this lovely book that says, “yearning to know What cannot be known, to comprehend the Incomprehensible, to touch and taste the Unapproachable, arises from the image of God in the nature of man. Deep calleth unto deep, and though polluted and landlocked by the mighty disaster theologians call the Fall, the soul sense its origin and longs to return to its Source.”
In my time before I left for my internship, and even now after my internship, I find myself longing to return to the Source the deep of my soul is calling for. The yearning has embedded itself within the recesses of my being and it’s been an interesting process. Tozer continues to say that the longing is only satisfied “through Jesus Christ our Lord. In Christ and by Christ, God effects complete self-disclosure, although He shows Himself not to reason but to faith and love.”
What I’m learning is how this process is teaching me how to rest and not do. I am understanding that I do not always have to do, strive, pray harder, fast with intensity, or any of those things. Honestly, I feel if I were to do those things as I just described them I would get no where.
God is awesome and lately he’s showing me that it is more than okay to just be. To be still and know that he is very much God and in trusting in that simple and holy truth makes me a child waiting patiently at the foot of her Father. If I am constantly moving and doing when God is asking me to listen and be still, I will miss out on Him wanting to meet with me in the stillness, in the space where there is an absence of busyness.
It is very possible for one to be busy and actually accomplish nothing. I do not want to be that one that accomplishes nothing in the kingdom of God because I chose to be active when God asked of me to be still and wait on him.
So, in this time of rest I have before I leave the comfort of Mississippi again I am learning to rest, to truly and fully rest in my Abba God who knows me so well.